Franny KO! A to Z wins…

Sorry in advance, my dear readers, I’ll warn you first: rant ahead! In case you won’t keep reading, I’ll understand!

It’s still April but as you might have noticed the challenge has stopped for me with the letter R.

I’d fallen behind a couple of times and then I’d accumulated so many posts to catch up with, that I had to give up.

I hate saying that, because I tried to fight it, but I had to surrender to my routine.

Useless to say that I feel extremely stupid.

My partner tried to make me feel better saying “You don’t have to feel stupid because you didn’t manage to finish, you have to feel stupid because you started the challenge, knowing that it would be impossible to make it”

I’m sure that for someone who doesn’t know my situation this might sound mean, but it’s not. Actually he’s almost right, but no harm trying, right?

At the beginning of the challenge, when I complained about my possibility of finding time for my stuff, I was told that if I couldn’t find 10 minutes a day to write it was because I didn’t want to find them.

This comment hurt me because it’s not true and the whole situation is making me feel frustrated.

Despite what my partner said I really wanted to manage.

But because I’m humble enough to think that I might be wrong, then I decided to check whether I was wasting time indeed or not. So I jotted down on my faithful notebook what I did hour by hour for a few days.

I hoped that doing so I would notice a free spot I could use for my stuff or even an error I might be doing.

Actually no, doing so I just got more and more depressed because even in my days off, my time was so packed with stuff to do, that not only I didn’t have time for me and my things, but I couldn’t even check all the points out of my ‘to do’s’ list.

I might just be a disaster but truth is that when I try to push myself a little bit further, like for this challenge, or try to do more than I’m doing already, then I start to feel sick, and end up with a kind of flu.

Just a couple of days ago someone told me: “Your best is enough”. I don’t think it’s true, because it doesn’t go even a tenth close to what I want to do, but it made me feel a bit calmer, like I had some justification I can look at when I feel very depressed.

For example, I don’t feel good today, so I’m spending my day off in bed, despite the fact I have so many things that I should do, that even writing this blog post will put me behind with my ‘to do’s’ list.

OK, I know loads of you will tell me: “Franny, give up, this just mean writing is not your thing. Surrender to the fact that your life from now on will be only work and home and that’s it. But sometimes you can go on holiday if you’re lucky!”

I know that all this makes sense in a way, as I keep complaining and despite all the efforts it seems I don’t manage to conclude something useful.

But I already feel stupid and useless as it is, and I know for sure that I’ll feel defeated and even worse if I stop fighting.

I don’t think I’m a genius but I think that some of my ideas might be worth a shot. The awareness of not being able to get to the ‘give it a shot’ stage is the most frustrating one.

Well, this is it, no point in keep ranting, you got the idea!

Thanks for reading and sorry for the rant to all those of you who managed to finish this post.

Said that, I will finish the A to Z challenge, in my own time of course but I will, in order to give to my self-esteem a bit of closure.

For all those who visited my page, thanks a lot, for reading, liking and commenting.
I’ve saved on a file your blog addresses and little by little and slowly, oh so slowly, I’ll show up to visit back.

So for the moment I’ll leave you here.

A part from “If you really want to do something, you’ll find the time” (because I want to do it so bad but I don’t have a second, that I’m becoming very frustrated), I’ll appreciate any other advice. Write to me in the comments below.

Stay tuned for the rest of the letters!

Dunno who did it, I google searched, but it simplify what I’m trying to say!!!!

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Oh my darling Miyazaki sensei a.k.a. How to destroy a daydream#1

I hope by now everybody who follows this blog knows who Miyazaki sensei is and how much I love him and his jobs.

But if you’re new and/or you don’t know these things, here he is:

And you can find some information about him here and about his work here.

A few weeks ago he decided to retire. Miyazaki Hayao retires at the age of 72.

Only after the choc wore off and the news sank in, I realized that my daydream will never come true.

If you remember here I told you how I’d love he could transform one of my stories into an animation movie.

Franny is very sad right now because he has retired.

The only thing I can hope is that he’ll get so bored at home doing nothing that he’ll decide to go back…yes, and wait for me! Oh dear…

You may say that he’s not the only one in Ghibli Studio and that it’s not fair I react like this because every honest and great worker deserve rest at the end of his or her own career.

You’re right on both sides. Some of my favourite films are directed by other people who still work there!

But Miyazaki was the symbol, like a human Totoro, if you know what I mean! And that’s why above all I decided to write to Miyazaki sensei my first Oh my darling letter.

 

Dear Miyazaki sensei,

I’m writing this letter just to let you know how much I love your work and I respect your art.

In a world where everything runs and rushes to gain money regardless the quality of the product they’re offering, your Ghibli Studio slowly but surely delivered pearls.

I love your pieces of arts. I will never finish to bless that day you decided to become an artist and then to open the Studio and then keep going without following the mainstream, although that meant just releasing less films and with a big gap among them.

We, fans of Ghibli Studio, know your effort and we’re ready to wait till the next masterpiece, sure that you won’t disappoint us.

Of course I have my favourites and I can gladly see that Maya is developing the same taste!

I love Totoro because is so cute and genuine. It’s something children can dream of! Also grownups not so grown up can dream of!

I love Howl moving castle because it encourages me all the time to keep going on and dream and also it gives me hope that sooner or later I’ll manage to make my dream become true.

I love Spirited away for the same reason. And also because it makes you hope in a better and more respectful world.

I love Whisper of the heart because it touches me deeply as I want to be a writer, and makes me think that sooner or later it will be possible.

But this is just a few, I love all of them. I love all the works of your Studio. I love even The grave of fireflies, but I can’t watch it anymore because it makes me cry all the times.

The great magic your animation movies perform is moving deep feelings inside me, allowing them coming out in a nicer and more positive way. Every time I watch a new film or I watch an old one for the umpth time, I feel full of energy and ready to work and create myself.

I can only hope that all the people who will follow your footsteps will stay on your same page and never change the way you worked. Also I hope that they’ll keep going on with the same passion and love for the art and respect for their fans and their intelligence and feelings.

Thanks sensei,

Francesca.