Learning to love myself

One of the most common critiques I receive from friends and people in general is that I should love myself  more. 

I honestly find this very hard to do. I don’t know why. I guess that being able to admit it is a baby step forward in order to reach this goal. 

But I want to write this post in order to remind me something. 

If you remember I complained two posts ago because I hadn’t received any message or mail from almost anybody in the office while I was sick. I still think that it is a bit disappointing, although at the end of the second last week someone wondered where I was. 

I just have to thank my lead and my friend F. who were present for the whole sick spell. Thanks a lot! 

I will for sure move a little bit less freely knowing that not everybody likes me like I like them, but that’s the history of my life. 

However, when I went back into the office, I arrived to the 8 shift and I found a very colorful and full  of cards desk, with welcoming messages. Later on I was presented with a wonderful plant. 

Here is the picture:

So I thought that if I love myself at least a bit, I should be able to admit that I felt pampered, and maybe worth a bit since I received that sweet treatment. 

There are a still a few bits and pieces I cannot place, but I will probably sooner or later. 

For the rest, my toddler is feeling still a bit sick, and I hope against hope that my partner won’t fall next. I hate this year so much already. 

I hope in a better February. 

I don’t own the image. Goole search!

So what do you think?

Share in the comments with me!

Christmas holidays

Hello again dear readers, 

There is no much news here, I’m still sick with a severe bronchitis, but I feel much better. The variation is that I’m going back to work soon!

The reason why this blog doesn’t explode with posts like I would like, since I’ve been home sick for over four weeks is due to the fact I’m very worried. I haven’t blogged nor written my novel nor plotted nor anything else. 

I’ve been focusing on a file I hope I’ll find useful when I’ll finally manage to go back to work. I’m still in probation, right?

Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me, please!

A part from that I basically did nothing and tried to rest, because during the night I still don’t sleep. 

You might wonder why I cannot cut 20-30 minutes a day for my stuff. Actually I don’t have an answer for this and although I wonder it myself, I’ve never managed to find one. If you have any kind of advice, please, I beg you, give it to me! 

I feel ridiculous honestly. It’s seriously impossible that a human being cannot take 20 minutes for herself in a whole 24 hours day. 

Said that, I decided I’m going to tell you about my Christmas holiday, possibly before February kicks in! 

Nothing fancy, I went back home. But it was good, I needed it. 

We weren’t sure we could spend our holidays at home until the last day,  since my partner’s company was in a very delicate situation, but eventually we managed. 

It’s always a variegated and strong mixture of feelings when you go home and everybody who lives abroad knows that.

What kind of feelings kick in when you go back there, depends on your background, on your character, on what you’ve left there when you moved. 

Lately I grew very nostalgic and very needy of my family, sister in law, my best friends as I was feeling incredibly lonely here. 

I mean I love meeting new people, I’m a sociable person and I have to say it’s rare I don’t like someone. 

However, I don’t really have a strong bond with anybody at the moment and so I feel a bit isolated. 

Going back was nice. Although I couldn’t meet my best friends because they live too afar from my mum, it was nice to catch up with the old group and celebrate the holidays and Maya’s bi
rthday with family. 

Of course there is the little dark spot of my partner’s family I personally hate that have to pollute every single event, but I’ve complained even too much for a single post.

On the 22nd was my daughter’s 4th birthday. She’s so big already!

I decided to organize the party in our friend’s medieval pub and it was a success as the previous one. 

I have also to thank for this party two people: my mum and Ilaria who managed to follow my creasy directions from here and provide all the necessary for the event. 

Ilaria also took charge of the entertainment for the few kids who attended. She made face painting, some decoration, a piñata and a nice poster of Olaf where the children had to attach carrot in place of his nose. 

It was very funny and Maya had a ball really.

Then I had my day off of the year and I spend it with the best sister in law you could ever imagine for yourself. She’s not only my sister in law, she’ s also one of my dearest friend. 

I went to Lucca, and joined her and my brother for lunch. It was amazing and relaxing at the same time. I needed time with them. We tried to talk about everything…well, let’s say we manage to nibble at several topics, but we couldn’t do more. 

Then I went with her to the hairdresser and I had my hair cut and then it was dinner with the whole family in my mum’s place.

Christmas was spent in my sister in law’s mum’s place. 

Her family is very nice, is like I’ve adopted another family and I felt very relaxed and at home. 

The memoir of these days will be my charm I’ll hold onto whenever I’ll feel down or homesick. It won’t be like being at home but it will keep me company all the same. 

I didn’t go into details, I just upload a few pictures, mainly because I want to keep those for me, otherwise I’m afraid it will lose the charm effect I was talking about. 

As you know I didn’t do any list about the changes I want to make in 2016, that actually started in a very bad way, but I want to promise you, my dear readers, that I’ll do my best to update these pages at least once a week!

That’s it for now! 

Let me know in the comment how you spent you holiday! Any fun fact you want to share with me?

Sick leave :(

I don’t own this image. It’s just perfect for this post. Google search.

Aaaand I got an extra Christmas present going back to Italy: a bronchitis! It’s a nasty, bad one that makes you feel like your respiratory trait were hijacked by a herd of cows and got so in love with you, that doesn’t want to go away. 

I’ve been out sick for over two weeks now and I hope I’ll be better soon, since I cannot stand anymore this condition.

I’ve been coughing my lungs out for the past weeks and I have pain everywhere as consequence of the effort. 

I might had luck with yesterday’s GP appointment as I requested the doctor I trusted more in the whole surgery. She gave me a very aggressive medication which should help. 

My brother, who’s also a doctor but, alas, lives in Italy, said it should be the right cure. Fingers crossed, folks! 

And this is the post I’m writing now at 5 a.m. since I couldn’t sleep anymore for the cough. Damn it! 

This condition is the reason why, once again, I’m in late in starting updating my blog. Nice, it seems I always have an excuse! 

But is it an excuse or I’m right down unlucky? 

I admit to be not consistent at all. Actually no, I’m consistent in something: making lists. You know that by now. I love making lists, I believe mainly because it makes me feel a bit more in control over things. 

However, I have a great ability of not following them. I feel happy when I start ticking voices out of them but then I stop mid-list, but I don’t know why. 

It’s not even because I don’t want to try harder or because I’ve lost concentration or will to finish. It’s a bit confusing, but I think this is due to the fact that I cannot finish what I’ve set my mind to do…I swear this made perfect sense at 5 a.m. after two hours sleep! 

The most consistent thing I’ve done so far was sticking to the writing, although in a very poor way and to this blog, in an even poorer manner. 

New years new me, as they say, might not work well for me. Actually I’m really sure is just a big fat bull, nothing changes really. Whoever wants to change a detail in his or her life can do it any time of the year. 

And do you know what? I’m trying, no… to be precise I’m trying very hard. 

Maybe not hard enough, maybe I’m not focusing properly, who knows. I’m trying to figure it out. 

So, do your realize what you’ve just read? The very first rant of the year! 

I want, just for this time, to give my-self a big excuse! I’m tired, I’m sick and I haven’t been sleeping for the past three weeks. 

To all this you can add the worry of the still uncertain position in my work place since I haven’t passed the probation period time yet. 

But maybe, the thing that hit me like a block of marble falling from the quarries is understanding that among my colleague there is only one who cares a bit about me. 

I mean not everybody should be friend with everybody, I’m big enough to know that, but still in a very nice and kind place like the one I think I’m working in, it’s a bit disappointing that no other people cared if I was dead or alive.

No messages, no mails, nothing. As lately I felt a bit nostalgic and I missed so much home and friends in Italy, this realization was a bit of punch under the belt. 

I think that this is the beginning for the next rant though. 

I fear that, if I really have to believe in forecasting the 2016 conditions judging on what I’ve just seen, this year will be very unlucky and full of rants. 

I hope, my faithful readers, that you’ll bear with me all the same. 

So how was your beginning of the year? 

Tell me what did you do in the comments below. 

And, most of all, if you have any generous advice, please I beg you write it down!