M as Maya
Maya is the name of my toddler. She’s 3 and half years old and she’s great!
I’m not saying she’s great because is my daughter, she really is gas! She knows what she wants, she has a great sense of humour, she can be very stubborn and she’s nice. It always surprises me how well defined her character is.
She can be a nightmare sometimes but usually is fun spending time with her. Like yesterday, we were playing with a little ball in front of the entrance door and she was happy and laughing like mad. Her laugh is one of the nicest and funniest things I’ve ever heard.
In fact the only down side of beginning a full time job again is that I’ll have only two full days to spend with her.
She’s learning how to speak properly now but, because she’s basically bilingual, she mixes up Italian and English in the same sentence and she’s so comic to hear.
Of course this will be a great advantage when she’ll be older so I think we should be patients and let her make these pastiches!
Having her wasn’t easy. A part from a very difficult pregnancy, I had a nightmarish labour and delivery. I was in labour for three days and I had the emergency c-cut the fourth day’s morning. And then I was left in the hospital bed with the drain, a screaming baby and no idea where to put my hands. I’ve never had a baby before and I didn’t have any experience whatsoever not even with a cousin or something alike. I remember I was frantically waiting for my partner being with me at 9 every morning and I didn’t sleep during the night. I didn’t close my eyes for basically a week, I was in bits.
This brought me to a light post-natal depression. People say it is normal but I think I was just unable to deal properly with the situation.
I still think I’m one of the worst mums around. I see mums going on with 2 or 3 kids or twins and everything proceeding smoothly.
I’m always nervous, I shout a lot and sometimes I have no clue what I’m doing! And more often than not I cannot organize and I still have to understand how to bring on the simplest tasks with her, like cleaning the house, without getting mad. I barely have a moment to myself once a week, sometimes not even that, and I’m constantly exhausted.
I always hope I can improve but I end up not doing that…maybe I don’t have the skills to be a good mum!
I just hope I won’t disappoint her to the point she won’t want to see me anymore!
Let’s keep our fingers crossed!