My aim writing this series of posts is letting you know me better as a person and as an aspiring writer.
As it often happens not all the elements forming someone’s life are nice and pleasant, sometimes you have the bad ones too.
Letter B represent one of the worse moments I lived in my youth and also, unfortunately, something I’ve been living at the moment too.
When you say, “I was bullied” people think about physical things, or big theatrical episodes that flare into huge dramas. However, I believe that the most worrying type is the psychological bullying in particular when people manage to act in a very subtle way. If someone cuts your trousers, it’s a pain, but you can buy a new pair…but when someone behave in a way your mind is left scarred than it’s worse.
I wasn’t thrown in the toilet or closed into a locker but I suffered the latter kind of brutality. I was always left aside and treated like I was the different one, the wrong one. I’d be left alone in the class; nobody would call me to go out during the day or the weekend. And, unfortunately for me I was alone. I wasn’t in a geek or weirdo group where I could be supported in a way or the other. I was just with myself and my inability in identifying the problem. I’ve always tried to follow my passions and be true to everybody. I’ve always told the truth and tried to be honest. But this is not a good way to be apparently…not even now as an adult.
When I turned 18 and I could sign myself off school I basically almost stopped attending, with the sad result that I had to repeat my last year.
The new class was a bit better but the damage was done and permanent.
Sadly I’m still struggling with the result of those years. My lack of self-confidence and my self-doubt had been hunting me since then.
The good thing is that I’ve been able, despite that, to meet people and trust them. Trust not well placed the most of the times, but still I didn’t close myself to the world. Actually I hope it could be considered a good thing…maybe it’s just silly.
The most of the times you should learn something from your mistakes, or at least you should thicken a bit the armor you grow around yourself but I’ve never been able to, mostly because I believe that people are good.
I’m wrong the most of the times, but I keep trying, or dreaming, you decide.
I’ve experienced the same amount of unfairness lately in my workplace, and I’ve already written a couple of posts about that, so I won’t bother you again here.
I’ll just leave this fact as it is.
I only hope against hope that if my toddler should be involved in such a bad experience, I’ll be quick enough to understand and help!
And as general advice, you don’t have to go down to bullying to be unfair, sometimes even betraying a friend who thought you were trustworthy and sincere can leave a scar. If you don’t want to be friend with someone, just tell him or her. It’s better! And you will avoid scarring people’s soul.