Since I always find very problematic to do something nice for myself, according to what people tell me…actually I fear this might be the truth…well, since I have this problem I’ll try to treat myself like I’d treat my best friend…just for once!
First, I’d listen.
As I wrote…well, as I tried to make you understand in the previous post I feel a bit overwhelmed lately.
Yes, this is a rant in disguise of a post, so if you want, you can run away…now!!!
I don’t desire anything more than being able to sit down and write, read, blog! I really wish I could have my space! I’d love to be a better person/mum/partner/etc…
The problem is that I suck! I suck in doing everything.
I know that, at this stage, many of you will start saying that if you want something you’ll find a way/time and so on…
Believe me, I would love to do that! Actually I’d love that so badly that it hurts, but life isn’t only in the way, it decided to park horizontally blocking the whole street!
I try to write every spare minute, I think constantly and I get more and more frustrated because I’d love to do more. What I’ve done up to now isn’t enough, isn’t done properly and I don’t know where to get strength and motivation to keep going.
The only window I can dedicate to myself is the hour nap Maya is still having during the day.
I had to plan the writing week in order to blog and plot and don’t freak out when I cannot do enough! No clue when I’ll be able to start writing!
The rest of the day is dedicated to my toddler, to my job and to my partner. Of course in the meantime I try to do something to avoid my house going to waste, and it’s in barely acceptable condition anyway. Oh yes and I have to cook, something that normally I love to do, but that it’s becoming a chore.
My job? Well, some parents are happy to have a break going back to work. I’m not, I work in a place that can put on you such a stress level that you want just to destroy the whole building or squat in a corner and cry your eyes out.
No, I cannot change the workplace. No, I’m not exaggerating. Yes, my partner does help in the house.
I guess that being completely alone in a different country, without the chance to have a break or so, takes its toll after a while.
Still, I feel a stupid good for nothing.
And that’s just to summarize.
Second, I’d give her advice.
I’d say that I’m sorry she feels this way but that sooner or later things will improve.
She’s not so bad, Maya is growing well, like all the doctors and nurses at the different check-ups have told her.
Maya is very smiling and she’s full of energy.
Actually I’d say that she’s right, doing everything alone is difficult and the fact that she hasn’t freaked out yet is a very good and she should give a pat on her back.
She’s too hard on herself and she should relax a little bit. After all, working thirty hours a week, having a toddler and writing on a blog twice a week is already remarkable. Also on the top of that she manages to avoid the house being gobbled up by the dirt and the mess and her partner is still alive and wears ironed clothes every day! The family is fed every day with a kind variegated diet and they don’t even have to pretend they like the dishes because they’re edible!
Also she shouldn’t give up at all!
It’s easy to give up. It’s hard to fight, but only doing so you’ll be proud of yourself.
Well I have to admit, I’m not even good enough to give myself advices, I was told in more than one occasion all I’ve just written in the advice part. I was hoping to feel better. I even tried to improve with colors…
I think I need a plan instead.