Home » Franny » New Beginning!

New Beginning!

As I promised a few days ago, I’m going to share with you what is going on with me and why I disappeared.

I hope from now on to be more present on these pages, because I was telling the truth, I miss my blog!

So let’s start from the beginning: Maya is on holiday! She’s spending part of the summer in Italy, in my mum’s place.

This should give me the time to rest, write, read and do whatever things I want to do. But, there is a big but. I’m not very happy. I miss her terribly at the moment and I’m forcing myself to stay away from the airport and get her back as soon as I can.

I don’t want to turn into one of those stay_next_ to_me_and_don’t_do_anything_on_your_own_otherwise_I’ll_get_anxious mothers! At the same time, since I’m very anxious person, it’s a big work!

To tell the truth there are many things I would love to change in my personality, although my best friends and even some people I’ve met not long ago say I’m mental because of that. Well, we clearly have different opinion!

The problem is what I think and what I have to live with! Besides, I have some unsolved issues, like my father’s death, I couldn’t mourn for almost two year, partly because Maya was a very good distraction and partly because I tried to be strong. The problem is that this big mash inside my head is backfiring, so now I have maybe to collapse and then rebuild everything from the scratches.

But step by step, I’d say. Even baby steps…I guess that the important thing is being able to move forward.

Among the things that I don’t like of myself and that I’ve never been able to overcome, there is my inability of doing things alone.

I’m not talking about climbing the Himalaya, my problem is more a basic one. Even go somewhere alone or taking lessons of anything or even going to shopping. It’s hard for me, because I think it’s boring, I think I cannot do it alone or simply I don’t want to do that.

The good news is that I might be doing some steps forward.

I went to my best friend wedding alone for a start and this morning I went to the swimming pool alone. I’m particularly proud of me for the latter.

It might seem a stupid and small thing, but I’ve never managed before. This morning instead I went to the swimming pool and because I was out of training I managed only ten lengths, but still I was satisfied.

I guess then I deserve a pat on the back, firstly because I managed to step forward and start doing things alone. Also I managed to feel happy with myself for something I’ve done! And I usually criticise me for basically everything!

I don’t know if I’ll manage to keep going on this route or for how long, because it’s still hard, but I’m happy and I wanted to share it with you!

And as I have Nightwish music in my head since the beginning of the week, here is my favourite video and song of the moment, as a small treat!

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4 thoughts on “New Beginning!

  1. That’s great progress, Franny. From someone who suffers anxiety attacks and faces similar problems with doing things alone, I commend you and you should be very proud of yourself for what you’ve done. 🙂

    I know it can’t be easy but with little steps it really does become easier. I spent the three years in college making progress and, despite setbacks, I am in good control of my anxiety now. A consular told me something that might help you, so here it is in summary:

    When your thoughts creep in and make you anxious, separate them and analyse them. Don’t let them overwhelm you. Rationally explore the thoughts and recognise them as that: thoughts. Thoughts are just thoughts and it’s only when they transfer into actions that they can be productive or prohibiting. So don’t be afraid of your thoughts, engage with them.

    I hope it helps you and I’m sorry I can’t phrase it as well as he did, but it did really help me so hopefully you can find some help in it. 🙂

    Also, a fan of Nightwish so great video! 😀

    • Thanks so much Sean! It’s a great help! I hope I can keep going and in case of setback I hope I won’t be too mean with myself! The other big problem I have is I’m hypercritical and particularly mean with myself or so I was told. I admit I might be harsh and realistic!
      Anyway good thing you like nightwish too! I’m exploring more their discography just lately! I love them!

  2. Sorry I have been so negligent,Franny.I have neglected everyone and one of my blogs is nearly abandoned.
    It is never too late to stretch yourself to new things, trust me.Here I am , I just turned 60, and I am pressing into new ways in my life….one big thing is that I have always been insecure and I have been a real ‘keeper’; almost a hoarder.I am letting go of many things.I am giving much away, things I never thought I could ever part with.I am taking a real look at what I have to seewhat I have to admot I will never use again, hobbies or things I have worked with that I no longer have the time, patience or health to use. Books that will never be read or re-read, movies that will never be watched again. I can’t say I will get rid of it all, but it is more than a start….and I am back to writing more. It is all good.
    So be strong,Franny! You have my good thoughts behind you!

    • Thanks Tonette! It’s always a pleasure when I receive your visit on my pages! But take your time, life is so weird and time is even more weird than anything else. It’s exactly the topic of the majority of my thoughts lately!
      Life isn’t easy and we’re all human beings. We have to make choices sooner or later, even if we try not to make one! It’s sad I know but we are forced that way anyway!
      I guess the important is to try our best all the times, no matter what! To show ourselves that we’re putting our effort in what we’re doing and that we’re not going down without a fight!

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