As I promised a few days ago, I’m going to share with you what is going on with me and why I disappeared.
I hope from now on to be more present on these pages, because I was telling the truth, I miss my blog!
So let’s start from the beginning: Maya is on holiday! She’s spending part of the summer in Italy, in my mum’s place.
This should give me the time to rest, write, read and do whatever things I want to do. But, there is a big but. I’m not very happy. I miss her terribly at the moment and I’m forcing myself to stay away from the airport and get her back as soon as I can.
I don’t want to turn into one of those stay_next_ to_me_and_don’t_do_anything_on_your_own_otherwise_I’ll_get_anxious mothers! At the same time, since I’m very anxious person, it’s a big work!
To tell the truth there are many things I would love to change in my personality, although my best friends and even some people I’ve met not long ago say I’m mental because of that. Well, we clearly have different opinion!
The problem is what I think and what I have to live with! Besides, I have some unsolved issues, like my father’s death, I couldn’t mourn for almost two year, partly because Maya was a very good distraction and partly because I tried to be strong. The problem is that this big mash inside my head is backfiring, so now I have maybe to collapse and then rebuild everything from the scratches.
But step by step, I’d say. Even baby steps…I guess that the important thing is being able to move forward.
Among the things that I don’t like of myself and that I’ve never been able to overcome, there is my inability of doing things alone.
I’m not talking about climbing the Himalaya, my problem is more a basic one. Even go somewhere alone or taking lessons of anything or even going to shopping. It’s hard for me, because I think it’s boring, I think I cannot do it alone or simply I don’t want to do that.
The good news is that I might be doing some steps forward.
I went to my best friend wedding alone for a start and this morning I went to the swimming pool alone. I’m particularly proud of me for the latter.
It might seem a stupid and small thing, but I’ve never managed before. This morning instead I went to the swimming pool and because I was out of training I managed only ten lengths, but still I was satisfied.
I guess then I deserve a pat on the back, firstly because I managed to step forward and start doing things alone. Also I managed to feel happy with myself for something I’ve done! And I usually criticise me for basically everything!
I don’t know if I’ll manage to keep going on this route or for how long, because it’s still hard, but I’m happy and I wanted to share it with you!
And as I have Nightwish music in my head since the beginning of the week, here is my favourite video and song of the moment, as a small treat!