Finally I feel a bit better and I’m ready to start again with all the things I have to do.
While I’m waiting for an important call I’m going to start writing and by the end of the day I hope I’ll manage to put some work aside for busier periods.
While I was waiting to recover I completed a list of all the posts that I jotted it down and of all the ideas I put on pieces of paper, so I decided to start from there.
Of course if I have new ideas or a sudden inspiration I’ll go that way but for the moment I need to tidy up things.
I remember that one of my most severe teachers once said: “How would you have a tidy writing piece if you live in a mess?” It was harsh but it got straight to the point. Thinking about this sentence many years later, I stated seriously to try to organize my life, my files and so on. Of course, as you know, my life is very busy and time for me is limited but I’m doing my best!
What I want to start with is a problem that I’ve been having since I can remember. I have mentioned it already and I might do it again, because from time to time is giving me hard time.
Why am I unable to relax?
As I said I spent the last few days trying to recover from the stomach bug but the more my strengths were coming back the more I felt I was wasting time.
More than once my partner said to me “Fran, just relax now and try to recover as much as you can and then you’ll do whatever you want from tomorrow or so”
To be honest with you, I did what he asked me to do – mostly because he was at home sick too and he could keep an eye on me- but I found it extremely difficult. I’d love relaxing and I have a good way to start doing so, but then after a few minutes I start feeling restless and looking around to find something else to do!
So during the relaxing regime, as I said, I listed all the blog posts I want to write down, then I read some of the books I still have to finish from last year and also I started the second volume of Game of Thrones as you all know.
Still the idea of not doing more – what this “more” is supposed to be isn’t clear yet though – made me feel uneasy and willing to do more. I guess this was good because little by little all my body and spirit filled with “I want to be creative” energy, one of the best sensations ever.
However, I believe that part of the problem is I don’t realize how much I do. This is something I’ve always been told but I start to think there might be a part of the truth into the legend.
Say, for example, it’s 2pm now and I woke up at 8. So far I had my shower, I prepared breakfast for the family, I called that important person I need at the moment and took an appointment, I prepared lunch, I had my lunch and fed Maya, I cleaned the kitchen floor and the fire, I did 10 minutes on the mechanic bike and I drafted this post, of course everything with the little miss playing and messing around! Then I put her to sleep and read a few pages of the book!
Well, yes maybe writing them down helps to visualize a tiny bit better. Probably I shouldn’t be so harsh with myself but still this state of grace disappears when I start thinking about the millions of other things I want to do or need to be done.
For example, keeping up the previous example, I begin to feel the need of ironing and preparing other blog drafts, cooking dinner and reading Orson Scott Card book, both to finish it and to help me in the world building! Maybe if I had time I could read something about Asia as well!
By the time I’ve finished with the second list, I think I haven’t done anything at all during the day.
What do you think I should do?
Is anybody else in the same situation?