What do I need?
What I’d need really would be a new shiny powerful body but as we still live in an era where people die for the most stupid illness I can’t hope for a Bicentenary man style make over!!!
But let me tell you briefly what I’m talking about.
Yesterday I was once again at the physiotherapist. My tennis elbow doesn’t improve, my back is getting worse once again and this is just a part of my problem! Next month I’ll turn 34 and my 7years soul is hosted in my 90years old body…balls!
But the thing that really scared me and made me decide to do something was my partner. He never speaks, really, just when his space is invaded, and the majority of the times he doesn’t notice things. He’s not very attentive to the details.
But yesterday, when I came back from the physiotherapist, he talked to me and told me that I cannot keep going like this, and, if I’m stubborn enough to go ahead like this, I’m going to sink deep down.
I have no energy, I don’t sleep properly, I’m in pain almost all the times and I keep dragging myself trying to do things I decided I want to do. I set a schedule but slowly my body is starting not to keep up.
He believes I need a break, except form my blog because it’s going very well this time and it wouldn’t be wise to interrupt it now.
In his opinion I have to relax, do my post and my activity with Maya, usually a walk, and relax a bit more.
The majority of my symptoms are stress related, and to be honest with you, I have to admit I’m on the edge and it’s more often when I answer to bite rather than to bark!
He then advised I’d stop with reading, writing, grammar, researching and studying until I’ll physically be better. Basically stop to do things that, although I love doing, are causing stress because I want to meet my goals!
How long will it take, I have no clue but a part of me has to admit he’s right.
I mean my brain was rebellious telling him he didn’t take into consideration that I want to be a writer and I have to do sacrifices in order to do so. But he said that he’s not saying to give up, but just to have a break. For a while I should stop doing what I think I must do!
It’s hard though. I feel frustrated and I feel like I’m failing. However, a small part of me felt relieved.
I have no clue if I’ll manage to stop and follow the advice, but still I have to admit that he’s right. My best friends, as well said to me “Well, if he said something, it must be serious then, I didn’t realized it was so bad”
So I think I have to surrender to the idea to be defeated by my own stupid body and try to do my best to recover.
This means that on the blog you’ll find different things.
I’m going to finish the books I’m dragging over with me and I haven’t finished yet. I have “The Dubliners” and “The lord of the rings, the two towers” from last year. I have “A game of thrones” and I have two audiobooks.
Then I’m going to draw and doodle while watching TV so if I can create something nice I can upload here for you. I’m thinking to a small story set in Sonrisa. Same goes with ads or news for a fictional newspaper.
When I go out, or even when I’m in work, I can make notes or small sketches or stories about places and people like a personal small gallery and share it with you!
I’m sorry but even if I promised I’ll be good I cannot stop doing things completely.
I might use all this things later on.
Ah and also I’ll try to vent through Oh my darling tag that I announced already but I’ve never used so far! It’s time now! If I have to relax and to vent at least I’ll start there!
But I promise that I’ll try to do my best to get better.
My mum is coming over in August and I hope to be able to relax a bit more.
Talk to you soon!