Home » Baker's Dozen Fiction Story » Baker’s Dozen Fiction Story, chapter 8

Baker’s Dozen Fiction Story, chapter 8

And here we are with the 8th chapter of our story. This one was created by C.L. Elli and you can find her here.

That’s exactly what I was thinking, making Angie the bad girl! Other two writers to go and then will be my turn…oh dear.

After the terrible feedback I received a few days ago at the workshop I hope I won’t spoil the whole thing! The standard is very high!

With no further delay here you have the new piece! Well done!

 

 

They continued to walk towards the compound. While he walked, he wondered to himself if his “acting” was good enough to keep them alive.. The intense heat from the sun above them, made Forrest feel like his skin was sizzling and burning. He looked up quickly to find Angie. She was walking just ahead of him but because of the bright sun shining so intensely into his eyes, he could only make out her slender silhouette. Trying to shade his eyes from the sun, he raised his hands to shield himself from its rays. At that moent, he heard what sounded like a wooden bat hitting a hollow tree. The noise was deafening. His ears began to ring. Forrest turned quickly to see what could have made that sound but as he did, he noticed that the world was starting to spin around himm.

What happened? My head! As soon as he regained consciousness, all he could focus on was the pain radiating from the back of his head. Grabbing his head, he sat up quickly, only to hit the top of his head on something metal above him. Oh that’s perfect. I guess, that answrs my question. They must not have believed our little romantic scene. Nice job Forrest. Nice job indeed, you managed to get ‘knocked out again’.

The room is eerily dark and semells musty like an old basement. In a small area of the room, barely noticeable is a small slither of light. Forrest blinks once…twice…and then again trying to focus but the darkness surrounding him hinders any resemblance of objects in the room. He then realizes, where is Angie? He doesn’t know if Angie is close, in the same room or possibly dead. He begins to call out “Angie.” At first quietly and then growing louder with each call for her, “Angie!!”

“Shhhhh! You really don’t want to do that.” An unfamiliar voice says from inside the darkness around him. What direction did that come from?

“Where is Angie?” Forrest insists.

“You’ll see her soon enough. Unless you get yourself killed or even worse, get me killed with you. So, since I wasn’t planning on dying today..please don’t ask anymore questions and just trust me and stay quiet.”

“That’s all I keep hearing ‘trust me’…’just trust me’ I’m done trusting anyone! Angie! Where are you!”

“Please stop…just try to be quiet. You don’t want to do that…Stop!”

Forrest yells out again, this time with more intent, “Angie! Answer me! Angie!”

“You really don’t want to do that.”

All of sudden they all heard a terrifying sound, like electricity being generated from a large energy source just beyond the walls of the room. The sound changes. Is that crackling? In that instance, for a brief moment, thanks to the light from the electric current now traveling from across the room, up a conduit and across the ceiling covered in a highway of wires, he could see that he was not alone. He could see three other prisoners confined in what looked like small jail cells, two men and one woman.  It’s not Angie.  He then realizes that the restraints around his ankles are connected to one of the wires on the ceiling.  There is a huge flash of light.  The room is black again, cloaked in complete darkness.  He notices that the darkness seems even more blinding than it had been before and then he becomes aware of the intense pain radiating from the restraints. The jolt from the electric current and pain is so intense, it knocks him off his feet.  He can barely catch his breath.  He could smell the smoke from the current that ran through his body, as he starts to black out, but not before seeing the door open to the large holding area. In the doorway, he could make out a silhouette of a woman and several men, all dressed in militia fatigues.

“Angie..” he whispered before succumbing to unconsciousness once again.

Angie gives orders to the men and begins to walk towards the cell where Forrest is laying helpless on the floor. “I’m sorry Forrest. I’m so sorry.” She signals for the men to pick him up and tells them to take the other prisoners with them. “Take them all.”

“You know that you won’t get away with this.”

Angie replies, “You need to come up with something new to say…because I think we’re winning the game.”

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10 thoughts on “Baker’s Dozen Fiction Story, chapter 8

  1. This sounds so great, Franny! I need to go back to the previous chapters and catch up. And like the above commenter said, don’t worry so much. Writing is a process and I love seeing you improve!

    Keep up the great work. I’ll let you know what I think 🙂

    • Thanks Kev, yes the writers involved in this project are very good! As for me I don’t know if I’m improving or not! If you want and have time I’d love you too to have a look at the previous posts, like I asked Joe. I need as more feedback as I can from native speakers!

      • I read the story. I think it’s breathtaking from start to finish. Was the feedback harsh or honest? Either way, I understand how that could hurt.

        I’ve put together some helpful feedback that might make you feel better:) It’s a lot to post in a comment, maybe you could insert a WordPress form? That way I can send helpful feedback privately by email if you’d like.

        Let me know and keep your head up! I think you told me that once.

      • Thanks Kev, you’re so kind!
        And thank you very much, you’re sweet!
        Oh by the way her feedback is in the post immediately after the story!!!

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